Against All Odds
by Angel-Chan
Summary: It's summer; time to relax... right? Well... Rika's still caught up in the past. And, when a certain friend needs comfort, her heart becomes shattered. Rika learns the hard way... about love and loss.


Against All Odds   
  
  
  


It was summer. To be more precise-- the summer following the defeat of the D-Reaper. As always, the sun was shining, casting shadows from the leaves all over the park; the birds were serenading a melody unknown, although its beauty was marred by the chatters of humans walking about. Let's just say that it was a nice day... well, nice for some people. I, on the other hand, kept the past's chest open within my mind....   
  


The tree branch I was sitting in... reminded me of a crooked hand. You know... its fingers were all twisted and disfigured while the palm lay flat; it was a rather odd scene from below, but once you were able to climb up it and try it out... it was actually quite comfortable. A sigh as tired as my soul escaped my lips. My imagination-- my childish imagination-- was quite the laugh.... Especially now, what with all the battles done and behind me....   
  


The past was done-- over with! Why did I still allow it to rampage throughout me? It wasn't like anything had happened to damage my life completely...! 'Renamon...,' came my response. After we had won, and Jeri had been rescued... she-- Renamon-- had left me. They had left us... to go back to the Digital World. To go back to where they belonged.   
  


It wasn't fair! It never was! Why did she have to go? Although it had taken me a while to admit it... Renamon had been my first true friend. Even back in the beginning, when I tried to believe that all digimon were merely data, I knew that a friendship was emerging.... I... I missed her-- I missed her dearly. All the times we shared... were only memories inside the corridors of my thoughts now. The others must feel the same way, too....   
  


The others... what were they up to nowadays? All of them-- Goggle-head, Henry, Jeri, Kenta, Kazu, Susie, Mako, Ai, and even Ryo. We went to different schools, so we couldn't see each other much... well, that wasn't completely true.... I went to a different school; the rest of them went to the same public school. W-Who cared?! It didn't matter much to me! I had my mother and grandma, so....   
  


Okay... so it did matter.... But, still! I wasn't about to let it show! Not me-- I could be as stubborn as a donkey at times! Even though I'd changed, I was still the same person! Rika Nonaka-- the 'Digimon Queen!' No matter how hard they tried, that small, thin mask would always remain... for it is almost impossible to change a person. Besides, who was the person who didn't express much more than friendship to her fellow tamers? I was! Who was the person who let her anger guide her when she needed to kick some butt? I was! Who was the person who....   
  


Who was the person who lied to herself about her growing feelings...? I... I was.   
  


A gust of wind ripped past me with a whoosh! and made the leaves sway gently. Ignoring it, I felt my face twist into a scowl as I crossed my legs. I had to forget about it! "It...," I muttered, "doesn't matter anymore...." And yet... as hard as I tried, the images popped into my head like a little movie. The way his face lit up when her eyes opened.... The way he was so determined to get her back.... The way he seemed to care for her.... It wasn't like his actions hurt me or anything....   
  


My eyes were deserts; they were begging for a drop of water to be released so that they would not perish. I declined. Stupid Goggle-head.... How could he still rack my mind like so?! He... he had been my friend during our adventure-- that's all he wanted to be! Despite my unheard wishes, he would never be anything more than that....   
  


A friend.   
  


Did I care for him...? Yes... more than he would ever know, I supposed. The thing was... I never really understood what it meant until I was too late. Strange emotions were always appearing within me-- how was I supposed to know that I was starting to like him?! Although he had never told any of us... I knew that Goggle-head had a crush on Jeri-- I could read it in his eyes like a book; page after page... it read that he longed for Jeri to care for him the way he did her.... When I was able to see that actual emotion explode from his almond orbs... I knew that I would neverbe with him. On that day, I felt a piece of my own soul get ripped from my body.   
  


That was how I knew that I....   
  


Hell-- they were probably together now! Happy and free, safe in each other's arms and all that other junk. Like I said-- it didn't matter to me! But... the reason why I didn't care was a mystery... because I was only lying to myself again. It was... merely lying for comfort, you could say.   
  


Dear Lord... I was reverting back into my old self... wasn't I? All because... of him. Back... back to when emotions were unneeded and pain was inevitable! Back to when tears never came! Back... to when I needed no one! Just like old times... eh?   
  


Perhaps I had been mistaken.... Perhaps I was never to live happily. Perhaps the life meant for me... remained in my past. Was I meant to--   
  


'What was that?' A noise that sounded similar to... sobs echoed about, filling my ears with waves of pity. Gradually, they became more intense-- more pain-filled. Pity... no! If I was going to become the person I was truly meant to be, then.... Was it just me, or did those cries sound familiar...? The lids of my eyes lifted; I scanned my surroundings slowly. Who...? That's when I saw him....   
  


Goggle-head.   
  


Shuffling around, I attempted to push the thoughts of seeing what was wrong aside. I didn't care! It wasn't my problem, so why bother?! Really, now-- did I have any right to waltz right up there and barge into his private life? No! I knew that... but I couldn't let some stupid crush ruin a friendship... especially when he had been one of my first friends.... What hurt, though, was that he didn't even know... how I felt.   
  


I let out a grunt of annoyance... then gave in. Like a cat, I agilely leapt from my hand-like branch and landed in the grassy field below. Well... I wasn't that graceful.... In fact, I was lacking the skill I owned back before I had become friends with all of them. Oh! I had to stop blaming them for something that was my own stupid fault! Making a promise to hit myself later, I quietly tiptoed over to the noisy boy.   
  


There he sat... with his hands, clenched into two tight balls of anger, placed in his lap while hot tears streamed out of his jammed eyes. He... he looked so sad.... Why would he be crying like that...? What... what had happened...? What made him feel so sad? Pushing back my arising thoughts, I decided to speak. Said I:   
  


"Why the tears, Goggle-head?"   
  


As soon as his head lifted... I felt like kicking myself. What a stupid thing to say! His almond eyes, usually so... so full of life and happiness... were dying from pain. They reached out to my own for help, searching for a hand to catch... and burning deep holes into my soul. Finally, they turned away. "N... no reason...," he murmured with a cracked voice.   
  


Okay... NOW was when I wanted to hit him. Why would he lie about not hurting?! I stubbornly sat down next to him; I didn't care if he tried to move away-- I'd follow. "Tell me...." At that moment, I could have cared less if he hated my guts.... I just wanted to know why he felt that pain... and what I could do to make him feel better....   
  


His eyes closed, and he slowly rotated his head away from me. Did it hurt that much...? And then... I felt a stab at my heart. Something... something wasn't right. Something was going to be painful... to me. But what...? "Please tell me," I begged, scooting closer. "It hurts too much to keep the pain hidden forever...."   
  


Well, let's just say... that got his attention. Focusing his eyes on me once again... he suddenly began to stare. I mean-- he wouldn't be staring at me... would he? And if he was, then.... Geeze! I didn't know why, but I sure wanted to find out! "What?!"   
  


"Your hair... you're wearing it differently...," he rasped. Oh... so I was.... A blush blossomed over the field otherwise known as my cheeks, and I absentmindedly reached up to touch my red locks. It was true... I had tried something different-- I pulled it back into two spikier ponytails instead of just one.... "Don't," I muttered, "change the subject...." It wasn't that important! He was just a kind, observant guy! He had complimented me before, anyway!   
  


He smiled a somewhat knowing smile... then let a sob escape from his throat. It was a pain-racked cry full of heartache and turmoil that made my body quiver with fear. I fought to ignore the red-hot flush blazing like a wildfire across my face (to no avail) as he limply fell into my arms for comfort. Stop it! I had to stop thinking of it! Right now, I was a friend helping a friend-- nothing more....   
  


Whispers and hushes flowed from my lips and wrapped themselves around my poor, crying goggle-head. It was funny... I'd never done something like this in my entire life, and yet... it was now almost natural to me.... I chortled lightly to myself. I realized that... this was the first time we'd ever been so close.... One thing that hurt, though, was that it could be our only time.... No-- I had to keep a clear mind! I had to stop torturing myself over such stupid ideas! The pain would never go away if I kept on blaming myself and saying such God-awful things.... Besides-- I didn't even know how he felt about me! For all I knew, he could care more than he let show....   
  


"I... I t-told...," he rasped through hiccups and tears, "Jeri... that I-I liked her...."   
  


Crack.... My heart, already frozen by the time his voice had pronounced Jeri's name, shattered as the obvious was stated. My eyes lulled out past the trees... staring at something that wasn't truly there. Tears got down on their knees and cried, pleading for me to let them fall.... I did not. I merely let my miniature mask take heed over my eyes; the salty drops did not need to be seen. Help now... cry later-- when I was safe and warm in my own home... under my own sheets.   
  


"And...?" I urged, tenderly running my fingers through his brown, unkempt hair... one thing that I had always dreamed of doing. I never thought that I'd actually be able to, though.... Oh, well. You know what they say: 'live for your dreams!' Man... I had really lousy ones, didn't I...?   
  


Sniffling, he finished: "She... she said that she wasn't sure that she felt the same... and that she just wanted to b-be fri... friends. I just...." He suddenly exhaled heavily and buried his face deeper into my shoulder. "I just couldn't handle it! I ran away... just so that she wouldn't see me cry."   
  


She... turned him down...? Why would she? I thought that she cared for him as well! That's when it hit me.... "Hey... hey. Don't be so glum, Goggles. I think she was just scared," I whispered into his ear. "After all, she's lost quite a few people who had been close to her... Leomon and her own mother, just to name a few. Perhaps she cares about you so much that she's afraid of losing you, too."   
  


I wasn't sure how he was taking that answer.... He had stiffened slightly, but it was so subtle that I barely noticed it. Carefully placing his hands firmly on my arms, he sat up to look me in the eyes. Oh... he smiled such a sad-- yet surprisingly calm-- smile.   
  


"What...?" I arched an eyebrow at him. "You gonna cry some more...?" I hoped that he wouldn't.... Each tear he shed held a little bit of my own pain in them.... I just wished that he could know that.   
  


Shaking his head, he answered, "No. At least... I don't think so." This time... he smiled with his eyes. It was so hard to describe it.... You just... you just had to be there to see it for yourself. It just made me feel so... so warm inside. So warm that I could have.... "Thank you.... I don't think I would've told anyone if you hadn't 'forced' it out of me!"   
  


I stifled a laugh. Forced? More like begged! Then again... if I hadn't been at the park... what would he have done...? Would he have told someone... or kept it to himself...? "Nah.... I didn't do anything-- just... listened." I wished that I could've done more, but... I couldn't. That was the whole point.   
  


Goggle-head opened his mouth to reply... then abruptly shut it; his eyes turned into saucers as his tears fought to come back out. What...? I turned to see what had startled him... and spotted Jeri.   
  


She stood by a tree that was quite a few feet away (which was well out of hearing range, as well) from us with tear-filled eyes. Glancing from me to him... the small amount of hope in her eyes seemed to fade, yet she still watched with pride. Did she think...? Oh, God.... She was here to tell him the truth... wasn't she?   
  


"Look, Goggle-head!" I exclaimed, voice rasping slightly from the tears trying to burst out of their ducts. I would fend them off for as long as I could... although I didn't think I could do it much longer. "See? What did I tell you! She's come for you-- can't you see it in her eyes? See the emotion?" With a high-pitched sob, I instantly stood and turned my back to him. I... I couldn't let him see me cry. "She loves you... so don't keep her waiting." I felt a laugh climb up my throat; when it escaped, it didn't sound much like one, but I didn't care. It... it hurt! "See you around...."   
  


And with that... I left, hoping that he was walking away from me and toward Jeri. Who cared... if they had each other...? Not me. I didn't care if he didn't like me the way I wanted him to.... At least... at least Jeri was a good person. She'd take care of him. But... as I toddled on, the tears still came. They burnt my face and stung my eyes... yet I kept on walking. Pain was an attribute that I had gotten to know a long, long time ago.... I could live with it.   
  


How could I just let you walk away 

Just let you leave without a trace 

When I stand here taking 

Every breath with you 

You're the only one 

Who really knew me at all   
  


No... I couldn't. I couldn't stand letting him walk away from me.... Maybe back then, when I pushed everyone away, I could have... but now.... I had changed. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself otherwise, I knew it... deep down. I was a different person. My personality was much more calmer and friendly; my people skills had greatly improved; I even fell in love, for goodness sakes! What else was there for me to do?   
  


"Rika!"   
  


What?! I thought I had told him to go after her! Why hadn't he listened to me? If he didn't hurry, he'd lose her for good, and I didn't want that to happen to him! With a slight snarl, I spun around as he approached me. My palm contacted his cheek....   
  


SMACK!   
  


His eyes stared at me, confused on why I would do such a thing. My own lavender ones shot back the reason with fire and daggers. I supposed... that my pain was rather noticeable now.... "What," I hissed, "are you doing?!" Tears flowed down my face even more, creating rivers and streams that the bugs could possibly bathe in.... "I told you... to go after her! She's there-- waiting for you! You don't need to follow me!"   
  


"What...," he started, suddenly shutting his mouth and turning pale. "Rika-- do you...?" So... was he finally understanding what my pain was about...? Did he see it in my eyes...? Did he? Was he truly aware of my feelings for him?   
  


"It... it doesn't matter," I answered softly, bringing a hand up to remove some of my own tears. He attempted to do the same, but I batted his hand away. I didn't need his comforting.... I needed his happiness. And the only way he would be happy was by going over there and reuniting with Jeri.... "Besides...," I said in a tired, dried-out voice, "you can't change... the one you love...."   
  


Although I hadn't said it completely... he understood what I meant. With eyes that seemed to reach out to me, he walked forward. I shook my head. "Go...." It... it hurt so much, but I couldn't let him see the full extent of my pain.... Playfully, I punched his shoulder. "If you don't get a move on, I'll hit you again!" With that... we laughed, and he reluctantly turned to the one he truly cared for.   
  


How can you just walk away from me 

When all I can do is watch you leave 

'Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain 

And even shared the tears 

You're the only one 

Who really knew me at all   
  


I was going to be alone... alone for all eternity. Perhaps love wasn't always the happy, 'perfect' thing that people find.... Perhaps it was much more than that. All that I knew... was that Takato had not heard me say what was on my mind.... I felt that he should at least know... just how much....   
  


"I love you... Takato!"   
  


So take a look at me now 

There's just an empty space 

And there's nothing left here to remind me 

Just the memory of your face   
  


The boy stopped in his tracks... and wavered for a moment. He... he had heard.... What was he going to do? He had better look back, at least! Darn it-- if he didn't, my life would have meant nothing! Look back! Then go on to Jeri! At least show me that you cared about my feelings! Please....   
  


Take a look at me now 

'Cause there's just an empty space 

And you coming back to me is against all odds 

And that's just what I've got to face   
  


His foot twitched... and he started walking again. My tears broke free of their dam and flooded my face; it hurt so much.... Even more, now.... Why hadn't he looked back...? Why didn't he?! I... wasn't he the kind of person who cared for everyone...? Maybe he was too scared to look back-- yeah, that was it.... Too scared.... But... why...?   
  


I wish I could just make you turn around 

Turn around and see me cry 

There's so much I need to say to you 

So many reasons why 

You're the only one 

Who really knew me at all   
  


As I watched Jeri fly into Takato's arms... I fell to my knees from all of the pain. It washed over me... and tempted me to drown within it.... It was all just too much... too much pain for me to handle. The pain... was beginning to become unbearable.... I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to put up with it.... Why...? Because... I wasn't as strong as I had been so long ago.... And yet... and yet I knew that I'd be able to go on with my life....   
  


So take a look at me now 

'Cause there's just an empty space 

And there's nothing left here to remind me 

Just the memory of your face 

Take a look at me now 

'Cause there's just an empty space 

But to wait for you is 

All I can do 

And that's what I've got to face   
  


No matter what... I'd always love Takato-- he was the only one who ever made me feel that certain, special way. No one else in the world ever made my heart soar the way he did. What hurt was... that he cared for someone else... and that person cared for him just as much. So, in the end, I'd still be able to find someone and possibly love them as well... but I don't think anyone could ever replace my goggle-boy....   
  


Take a good look at me now 

'Cause I'll still be standing here 

And you coming back to me is against all odds 

That's the chance I've got to take 

Take a look at me now....   
  


Like I said... you can't change the one you love....   
  


And you know what...? I'm glad....   
  


~END~   
  


A/N: It took me forever to post this! And now, finally, I am done! I would like to dedicate this story to Eagle_33 for reading it over and correcting my mistakes. Thanks a bunch-- I really appreciate it! 

This story... well, it was a 'spur of the moment,' you could say. I actually came up with the idea soon after reading about the end of Tamers.... Yes-- I know it can be qualified as Jurato... but I don't see it that way. I don't know.... I like writing stories where Rika has to deal with her emotions.... She's just such an interesting character; her personality is quite fun to write as well. Yeah... I was sorta mean to her, too... gomen. I didn't mean to be. Look-- I'll make it up to you, my fellow Rukato fans! Keep reading 'Fated' and 'School Day Blues,' and in the mean time... I'll finish my OTHER one-shot story idea. I have no name for it yet, but it will possibly be rated PG13 (a step higher than my normal rating) due to some of the content. 

The song I used... I think it was first sung by... Phil Collins; I am not sure, though. It's rather odd... because I was searching through my CDs one day, ya know... looking for songs, when I came across this one. The thing was... I had already written practically all of the story before I heard it. And the version I have is actually sung by Mariah Carey, which really worked to my advantage. Why? Well... the story is told from Rika's point of view, so.... I just... thought that the song fit the story rather well.... Oh, well... I'm rambling now, aren't I? 

Anway, I hope that you have enjoyed my sad, little tale. The tissues-- if needed-- can be purchased around the corner for a quarter. Please do not make eye contact with the man sitting next to the vender; he is not all that well.... And if you feel that you are done here... please look at the bottom of the screen. See the little button? Click it; tell me what you think. If I don't know the thoughts and ideas of the readers... I won't know what to write. Your words always remain within me-- no matter how unimportant you may think they are.... Ja!-Angel-Chan 


End file.
